Have you ever wondered why the Holy Spirit would lead Jesus directly from his baptism in the River Jordan out into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil? This doesn’t seem like a very nice, let alone “holy” thing to do, does it? After being bounced from her coach into the mud, St. Teresa of Avila was once quoted as saying out loud to God, “if this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!” Why does God allow Jesus to be put to the test this way? 

Christ in the Desert by Vasily Polenov, 1909

Let’s come back to the context of the liturgical season in which we are beginning our journey in order to re-frame the question. Lent is the time of year when we’re invited to prepare for the renewal of life at Easter through our celebration and participation in the Resurrection of Christ. For each of us, that preparation and renewal may be slightly different, depending on how each of us is challenged in our relationship with God, ourselves, and one another. For instance, what kinds of blocks or barriers impede us from receiving God’s unconditional love at this very moment? What are the illusions we hold or the stories we tell ourselves about why we are or are not worthy of love? Essentially, this is what sin is: anything which disconnects and separates us from the proper love of self, others, and God.

So, let’s come back to Luke’s Gospel. In his baptism, Jesus has heard God say, “you are my beloved son… With you, I am well pleased!” What a gift this revelation was for him. This belovedness is the source of Jesus’ dignity and identity, and by extension, through our baptisms, it is the foundation and source of our dignity and identity as well. We too are God’s beloved children. 

But it is one thing to be told that we are beloved children. It is another thing to believe it from the bottom of our hearts and the fullness of our being. Most of us have competing beliefs that cancel out this one, or condition God’s love in such a way that we qualify this love, saying “yes, but…” But, I have to be more of something or less of something else to really be worthy. Or am I alone in suffering from this kind of delusion?

I am so fortunate to have parents who loved me in quite an absolute way. But when I was a small child, I somehow began to believe that this love was based on my achievements and what I could do for others. It was nothing that my parents did and in fact, I came to believe it despite their reinforcing constantly how unqualified their love was. But something in the air or the water perhaps distorted this message– the way I heard people’s praise or criticism, and internalized as a little boy that God’s love, or anyone else’s, was conditional on my performance, my accomplishments. I couldn’t help it- it was just the way it was. And my spiritual journey as a person and as a leader has been a long story of gradual liberation from this illusion.

Perhaps this is a way of understanding the effect of original sin, that it is a kind of distortion field that alters reality and leads us to perceive God’s love and the love of others, not as a gift given to us freely, but as a donation with strings attached, something to be won, earned, and merited by our efforts.

This is why we experience trials and tests of our belief in our belovedness, just as Jesus did.

When Jesus allows himself to be led into the wilderness, he allows his belief in God’s love for him to be tested so that, when proven, he will be able to give unshakeable testimony of that love for others, even to the point of surrendering to death on the Cross. Jesus embraces the trial. He does not let the enemy drive a wedge between him and his father. With each test, he sees through the deceit subtly put before him… that his real worth is based, not on his ability to turn stones into bread and to become self-sufficient in his service of himself, but through his dependence on God. 

Jesus sees through the illusion that all the authority in the world is given to him to rule as he sees fit, if only he will worship the devil instead of being obedient and listening to his Father. And Jesus understands that in the third temptation, if he were to throw himself off the roof of the temple to be saved by angels in front of the crowds, he would coerce the people into believing in him, rather than inviting them freely to place faith in him. In each trial, he returns to what is God’s will, rather than his own. How?

In each of these trials, Jesus faces the subtle deceits and illusions of the enemy by staying clear about his true source of identity, value, and belonging. He proves that he truly is the beloved of God, and he calls us to follow his path when we face temptations and trials, to imitate his faithfulness to his Father. 

As people who are entrusted with roles of authority, responsibility, and power, we are also sometimes tempted and tested, are we not, to subtly give in to illusions that our dignity, identity, or value are conditioned in some way? What are the stories we tell ourselves, that drive a wedge between us and God, and lead us to reply, “yes, but…” to the voice of God saying that we are his beloved? Perhaps this Lent, through our practices of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, we might remind ourselves that our intention in each practice is not to try to merit anything, but rather, to respond generously to the love God already has given without strings attached, to us as his beloveds.

With you on the road this Lent…