In my limited experience of the spiritual life, the harder we try to get over ourselves, the more self-focused we become. Or am I alone? We might have received some friendly feedback about our vanity, selfishness, or arrogance at some point (or that might just be me?) and then worked to overcome these tendencies, only to find ourselves more obsessed with our progress than we are actually making progress. How do we escape this paradoxical prison of self-centeredness and instead grow in the image and likeness of Christ?

In today’s Gospel from Luke 6:27-38, Jesus instructs his disciples about how they are to live in the world, not as their fellows, not in the same way as their cultures or traditions would suggest, and certainly not according to their basic instincts. Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Give without expecting a return. Treat everyone with the same dignity, consideration, and trust that you would desire from them. None of these behaviors are consistent with the conventions of their times or our own.

In fact, the dominant worldly influences of our times suggest that we should put ourselves and people like us ahead of everyone else. They suggest that we should seek retribution for any harm done to us and if necessary, to use force to get our way. These worldly voices say that it is ok to demean and even abuse people who are different from us, and to treat them as if we were superior. I don’t think we have to go very far to find these voices increasing in volume and intensity all around us. What is more shocking is that some of these influences claim to be following Jesus’ way as Christians.

But if we are to be faithful to Jesus’ way, there is no doubt that he is calling us to live in a way that transcends our primal and basic instincts, and that does not conform to the conventions of our cultures. Rather, as Paul suggests in his letter to the Philippians, we are to not conform to the ways of our times, but rather “to put on the mind of Christ, who humbled himself…” Or in his letter to Corinthians in our readings today, Paul writes that we are invited by God to outgrow the ways from our earthly form and image and transform into one that is more and more divine.

But how do we advance along this path of spiritual evolution in a way that is not self-propelled, not based on some idealized self-image? This willful pursuit of Jesus’ way only leads to neuroticism. I’ve been there. How do we become available for love that transcends ourselves?

Now, I could say it is only possible through God’s grace that we can make what Ignatius of Loyola called “progress in the Lord,” and while true, it would also dodge the question of what responsibility we have to get out of our own way. And for those of us with leadership authority, influence, and resources, how much more important is it for us to mature beyond our natural self-centeredness so that we don’t abuse our power, as we see so many doing throughout history and at this very moment?

First of all, let’s stop looking at ourselves through our own eyes, which tend to either be too harsh in judging ourselves or too lenient, even to the point of being self-aggrandizing. Looking through our own perspective alone will never help us escape the paradox of self-centeredness. Rather, we might try sitting in silent prayer, praying that we receive the gift of perceiving ourselves the way God “sees us.” How can our view of ourselves not be shifted when we allow ourselves to be seen by our loving God, who created us, sustains our being even now, and who knows us in our intimate depths- including all our lights and shadows, our secret regrets and shame, our deepest desires and longings.

Second, it might seem paradoxical, but as Jesus himself suggests, when we look at our neighbor, it is helpful to some extent to see ourselves; that is, to project to a degree what respect, care, and consideration we ourselves desire or deserve. This becomes a starting point for an encounter that hopefully leads us beyond this positive projection to a more true seeing of the other person, an attunement to their story and experience, their interests and aspirations. It is said that such a direct knowledge of another cannot but fill us with a sense of love for them, and perhaps you and I have felt this love for and from others.

Third, when we find ourselves comparing and judging others, we know that this is often due to our mistaken impression of superiority or inferiority. If we place ourselves and others before God in prayer, what do we discover? How quickly are we restored to a sensible humility, displacing our egocentrism one way or another. And we find a natural and spontaneous compassion, even generosity toward the stranger, let alone our neighbor.

As we near the penitential season of Lent, we anticipate many more opportunities for self-examination. But let’s resist the temptation to do this without God. Rather, let’s follow Jesus’ way of getting over ourselves in the loving gaze of our God.

With you on the way together,