When I celebrated the mass for my final vows as a Jesuit in 2010, the reading for the liturgy of the day was this text from the Gospel of Luke, chapter 18:1-8. Instead of selecting another reading for the occasion, I felt attracted to holding on to what might have seemed to be a strange story to mark this passage in my life and vocation. After all, what do an indifferent judge and a persistent, maybe even annoying widow, have to do with my story of 20 years of religious life?
But as I prayed with this passage for several days, the connection and the deep resonance of the story became suddenly clear to me. The indifferent judge was me, and the Lord was the widow, patiently, even relentlessly, appealing to my heart to follow him. I reflected how initially, it took me several years to really pay attention and say “yes” to a vocation to religious life and priesthood, and then how even saying that “yes” twenty years before, it took many more years for me to surrender more and more of my heart to the mystery of this call. More than that, to say “yes” fully to the One who calls.
Yet, all along the journey, and still now after 35 years, it occasionally stuns me how patiently and persistently the Lord has accompanied me. No matter how faithful I have been to prayer, God is always faithful. No, God does not always respond so clearly nor immediately to my petitions or requests. At times, I have been so disappointed that God has not intervened to heal someone for whom I have offered intentions. In fact, just this past week, I was so saddened to hear of the death at the age of 32, the daughter of a former classmate of mine in the Jesuits who succumbed to breast cancer. At times, I have struggled over long stretches with self-doubts, anxiety, and depression, asking God to remove these challenges from me, yet without immediate relief. I have prayed fervently for peace, and yet, the wars in Ukraine, Gaza, and South Sudan have lasted years with so many casualties.
But even in the face of these frustrations and disappointments, I have been blessed with a patient, steadfast confidence that God does not give up, and that like the widow, God is the one who persists in hope that we will give up our indifference, our fearful self-protection, our apathy, and say “yes” more and more fully to love, forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. Yes, to being instruments and channels of mercy in a cold and sometimes callous world. Yes, to caring for those suffering, and to remaining close as people endure the paschal mystery of death in their own lives and communities.
God’s patience and steadfast fidelity to us, and our embodiment of this patient, persistent faithfulness to others are entirely interrelated, even interdependent. When we ponder how inconsistent our prayer may be, how infrequent our complete presence or attention in the reception of the Eucharist, how at times hypocritical our faith and active commitment to justice may be, and yet how incredible it is that the Lord is always there when we turn our minds and hearts his way, how can we not want to show up in a similar way for others?
As leaders, our steadfast persistence in prayer matters… for ourselves, for the gift of discernment, for the people we serve and for whom we have responsibility. As leaders, it matters that we cultivate patience in faith, and that we hold steady in hope during unsteady times. It matters that we allow God to wear our resistance down and allow his love to so saturate our hearts that all we want to do is give our “yes” as fully as we might to serving as his instruments and channels in the world.
As you take stock of how this reflection sits with you today, what stirs inside you? Where are you feeling called to say a more full hearted ‘yes’ to God’s persistent and faithful presence in your life? Where are you feeling the need to exercise more patient and steadfast hope in the face of the chaos and churn that many of us face in our roles and contexts today?
With you on the road,
